What a long, strange trip it's been! But we did it! We're back! We finally made it! We didn't make it all the way to Seneca Falls. Mom had the brilliant idea of having Dad and Mike meet us in Buffalo, and then Mike and I could have a few days in Niagara Falls to collect ourselves and get ourselves sorted out before the funeral: unpack, laundry, that sort of thing.We started our day in Terre Haute, IN, birthplace of Jackson. In fact, we even went and did a stalker-y drive by and took pictures in front of his old house. Ah, East Garden Drive South! We've missed you, old friend! We had also missed our actual old friends. Fortunately, a few were able to join us for breakfast, and we were so happy to see even more familiar faces. Then, we did a little geocaching in the woods behind Dixie Bee Elementary, where Jack might have gone to school one day. We didn't get to see all the things I would have liked to, but we'll be back. Somehow, we manage to come back. In fact, this is Tucker's second trip here.
The rest of the day was literally just spent driving. We taught the boys to pee in a jug, because peeing on the side of the road gets more complicated when the road is an urban 6 lane highway without much shoulder in the middle of Ohio. (Huh-why-oh, as Jack says it). We did manage the usual rest area breaks and even a McDonald's/Panera break, as well. We finally met up with Poppa and Mike in a Tim Horton's parking lot outside of Buffalo for the "hostage exchange." We were so happy to have Mike back, but I was very sad to see my mom go.
Over the course of the last five days, I have found myself in a position where no one should ever have to be, though I'm sure it happens all the time. I have wanted nothing more than to shatter into a million pieces and fall apart. This loss is a devastating one, and I feel as though I haven't even begun the grieving process. And yet, that hasn't been an option. I have had to be strong to get myself and my children this far, and I'm starting to realize that I will need to be strong for just a bit longer. I've felt the cracks, though. I know they are forming. And my mother has been the packing tape keeping all the shards together. In her presence, I have felt stronger than I am. I always do. Like during childbirth or any of the other times I've wanted my mommy, it wasn't so much the task I wanted her to complete (though she always does, and willingly), but her quiet strength I wanted to siphon off and use as my own. And now I'm on my own for a few days, and I have to trust that the shards are all braced together and will somehow hold. My family needs me whole, so whole I will remain. Thanks, Mom, for helping me to stay whole.
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This photo marks the end of our epic Family Rock Tour. As we plotted and planned over the last year, I never in a million years would have imagined that this is how our vacation would end. It still seems incomprehensible that this is how it went down. It hardly seemed worth sharing - such a depressing end to something that started out with so much hope and excitement. But I had been taking notes and jotting in journals the whole way, always intending to post updates and play-by-plays for all the interested family and friends, and I decided that finishing the journey here might help me to finish the journey in my head, too. So here's the story, in all it's glory. Perhaps now I can finally rest.
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